Seasons
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: Four seasons, four different points of view but a single story. As charming as Christmas lithenings


Summer

I guess everything changed by then. They drew a line under their friendship and plunged themselves into something new, another stage. Unexpected, serious. They woke up one day and made a step forward. Forever.

As a matter of fact, it's all about suppositions. I'm not sure of anything but if I stop and start thinking about it, I mustn't be that far from reality. They're so quiet about it, even now. I know they're looking for intimacy but sometimes I feel guilty. This lack of confidence, it's all because of me. They dread my reactions, they don't trust my feelings, my statements.

I just want them to be happy.

Jack had been hired for a show in Los Angeles and I was dating this guy, James. He was cute, very nice. I spent most of my time with him of course, and so I didn't see anything. I assume they got closer, day after day, evening after evening, subconciously. And before realizing it, they were involved in a relationship.

I can't say that I hadn't been surprised but when I think about it, it seems so evident, so logical. They always had a lot in common, so much more than you could imagine. They used to pretend the exact opposite but it was just a game, an agreement between the two of them. They're made for each other, obviously.

I wish they weren't afraid of me, I don't like it. Maybe we just need some time. I love when they smile and I catch up a furtive sign of care. A detail. They fill my heart with love, hope and tenderness. A warm wave of feelings I need more than anything. It's just...

I've never been mad at them and I will never be. I want them to understand it and let me get closer to their relationship. I miss our discussions, our confessions. I keep on dreaming, secretly, that some day they will bury their fears. There's so many things left to live, a ton of moments we have to spend with each other, like all the old ones.

I didn't forget the past that unites us but still, time erased my feelings and I'm way so far from wishing anything with him. I'm afraid they could let me aside because of it. I wouldn't be able to comfort her after an argument, I wouldn't be involved in the secret process the day he starts thinking about wedding.

They misunderstand me. I'm just Grace, for them. And under the nets of their relationship, Karen thinks she stole him from me and Will can't help imagining what a traitor he had been.

The bright sun of New York City changed forever their feelings. A summer night, perhaps during those plays in Central Park they used to attend. I know they love Shakespeare.

Fall

I looked at her go away under the rain. It was windy, a heavy atmosphere floating above our heads. While her figure was vanishing at the corner of the street, I realized I had just lost my breath.

I always found her attractive. There was something in her eyes, in her smiles. She was bewitching. I never said that she wasn't beautiful, I hate lying. But my first thoughts remained in my mind and I kept on moving.

We didn't even argue that afternoon, just spoke, calmly, bitterly. Sometimes relations have to cease, there's something broken and we have to leave. I didn't want to stop it, neither did she. I hugged her very tight and felt her heat go away from me, suddenly.

She didn't turn her back, just kept on walking. I couldn't see her face but I knew she was crying. Like me. I had learned a lot about her lately. All these insecurities, her needs.

I came back to the flat and sat down on the couch, sighing. I spent the rest of the day looking how the leaves were flying in the sky, disappearing behind the clouds. Lord knows where they were going to and if one day they would be back for a new beginning.

Jack and Grace didn't understand why she hadn't kept the ring. But they stayed quiet and just nodded.

I missed the softness of her hand on mine, the way she used to smile at me. Everything. She had taken with her all this magic that blinded me. I had fallen for her but the summer had gone. There's an end to any story.

I let Karen leave my arms, an ounce of regret in my eyes. I looked up and saw the bare trees, the gray sky and the rain hitting my face, coldly. A year was dying, mourning our love story.

I would keep a place, though, deep inside my heart. For her kisses, the way she gave life to me.

Spring

I don't get it. She wears glasses but only when she reads. First thing I thought was that she was hallucinating. Will? She was definitely too classy for him.

Time passed by now and I guess she fell for him. I never saw her so happy, she changed a lot. It's all positive.

I love the dress, matching with her pale skin. She's so lovely, so perfect to me. She keeps on smiling but you can read through her gaze that it's not easy. I know her too well, she's waiting anxiously. But she also has this detail in her features. She's where she has to be.

And she knows it.

She's the woman I will keep on admiring, even though behind the mask there's another person breathing. I like this double face, it makes her be unique. I spent so many nights against her body that I reached her soul and scanned her fears, in my own way. She can count on me.

But today her hand will slide off of mine and join Will's one. I'm losing something in the process, something I can't name exactly. I'm not jealous because it's not what I'm expecting from her, to me. It just sounds strange, I don't like big changes.

I wanted to be with her but she chose Grace, keeping alive the tradition. Since when is she so conservative? So I look at her from outside, memorizing her beauty. I love her more than anything. I'm proud of her choices, even though it's with Will.

The buildings speed past through the window of the berline. I don't get to speak, I don't know what to say. There's an awkward silence between the two of us while I've been knowing him for so long now. He's my best friend, he doesn't even know how he helped me. So many times... There's an ounce of reality in this fairytale, an ounce of bitter feelings.

Take care of her, Will.

I don't even need to turn and face him. I know he's smiling.

The car stops and we get off of it. I let Will go inside and I stay on the sidewalk, looking at the street. It's a beautiful Saturday morning, the bells are ringing, the breeze is soft, sweet. Very soon the limousine appears and she waves me, impatiently.

She's breathtaking. Her wedding dress shining under a big blue sky. So clear.

Winter

I love the fireplace and the heat coming from the flames, hitting my cheeks. I love his embrace and resting against his chest without saying anything. I feel his heart on my back, beating. I let my eyes close and plunge into my dreams. My soft wishes.

I love our hot chocolate evenings and our walks when it's snowing. Christmas lightenings carry on some magic and fill our minds of sweet memories. There's something about New York City.

I love my days at the office, thinking about him and the moment I will brush his lips, tenderly. He will take me in his arms and whisper gentle words to my ear. Like every year, now. He makes me happy.

I remember everything since the day he kissed me. How I went away and came back suddenly. In the middle of the night when I realized that I couldn't live without him. That he was all to me.

I love our story, our complicity. How we're building this intimacy, successfully. I can't help smiling when I hear his name, his voice. When I see him.

I twist around my wedding ring and let him make me twirl in this whirl of feelings. It's so warm, so beautiful, so pure. Unexpected but charming. That is, that is exactly what's happening, what we're living.

I love Will.

I spent a lot of time with Grace, lately. I'm feeling closer to her and I guess she appreciates it. As I do, actually. I tell her about him. About my fears, my dreams, my worries. She stays quiet when I speak, she listens to me. Something is changing in our friendship and I love it.

I look around me and see the three of them, realizing how I'm lucky. I love Jack and his eccentricities, I love Grace and her sincerety and I love Will for all these things he brings to me. It's snowing outside and Christmas is coming.

But what I love the most right now is when my stomach gets tensed. The baby's kicking.


End file.
